The Boston Diaries

The ongoing saga of a programmer who doesn't live in Boston, nor does he even like Boston, but yet named his weblog/journal “The Boston Diaries.”

Go figure.

Thursday, August 15, 2013

Nobody expects the Sleep Paralysis Inquisition!

I had fallen asleep at the hotel (oh yes, Bunny and I had to abandon Chez Boca for the night because of plumbing issues—no damage, but no usage of either bathroom) when it felt like Bunny slid into bed behind me. I cracked open an eye, which was tough, as I was very tired, and yet, there she was, in the other bed!

But I swore I could have felt someone—

Nay! What Devilry is this? That was when I felt the bed moving unnaturally behind me, and lo, above my head, jutting out just far enough for me to see, was the metal leg of the bed looming. Further more, said Devilry had paralyzed me.

I attempted to scream. “BUNNY! BUNNY!” But all that was coming out was “Bunny. Bunny.”. But she was unmoving, still consumed by her book. From what I could see, all she was hearing was “Zzzzzzzzzzz.”

I just knew the bed was gyring and gimbling behind me, waiting, plotting, to suck me into the Abyss. I needed to flee. Struggling against paralysis, I was able to stand up, but the bed covers were smothering me, entangling me as I attempted to move. I fell flat, face first onto the floor, which surprisingly, did not hurt. But it did knock the breath out of me and I passed out.

When I came to, I was still in the bed. Bunny was still reading her book, having known not of my plight with the Hellmouth forming behind me, nor of my failed attempt to escape it.

It was then I realized the Devilry for what it was—sleep paralysis. I may have to rethink what triggers my sleep paralysis attacks, since I was not napping when this happened.

Update on Saturday, August 17th, 2013

In case you are curious as to the plumbing issue at Chez Boca, the main drainage pipe under the house was blocked up. The services of a plumber were required to clear the clog, and even with the expense of a hotel room for the night, it was still cheaper to have the plumber do the work the next day than to pay the “Emergency Rate” Wednesday night.

As Bunny says, “the joys of being a land baron!”

Apparently, I have products!

"Dr. Glidden Kennedy" <>
(Obviously not me)
Having gone through your listed products
Thu, 15 Aug 2013 20:48:31 +0700 (ICT)

Good Day ,

Having gone through your listed products, we offer great interest to do a purchase agreement with your company. Please get back to us with the following information Please Quote.

1. Prices FOB
2. Payment terms
3. Delivery Period
[There is no 4. Spoons! –Sean]
5. Specified delivery date assuming from the Date of Order.

Please your quick reply will be highly appreciated to our private Email (

Mr. Woody Allen
Purchasing Operations Manager.
PT AMEX Corporation

I have listed products to offer?

Really? [Yes, your Amazon affiliate links. –Editor]

Oh, yeah.

But that aside, what's the angle here? I mean, random spamming of companies looking to buy unspecified items? Um … perhaps inserting themselves as middle men, advertising your products as theirs, passing on the orders they get to you to fulfill, and charging their “customers” more money?


Either that, or Mr. Allen is really desperate for money.

And assuming he is, Mr. Allen, here are my answers:

  1. FOB EXW Boca Raton (Incoterms 2010).
  2. Cash up front, no credit. Payable as US dollars or an equivalent amount in gold or silver.
  3. Please allow four to six weeks for delivery.
  4. We don't talk about Flight Club (think happy thoughts—I'm expecting only four people to get this).
  5. Um, what part of “Please allow four to six weeks for delivery” did you not understand?

That should work.

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