Via my dog wants to be on the radio comes this rather fasinating game called 1000 blank white cards. The rules? Well, short of drawing the cards yourself (well, you and the other players) there aren't really any other rules, other than play proceeds clockwise, unless otherwise noted. Something like Nomic with cards, only less rules.
I remember years ago in college (“Uh oh, there he goes again, reminiscencing again!”) my friend Bill and I are in one of the library study rooms trying to kill time between classes (we had a couple of hours). There was a blackboard in this particular study room and fortunately we actually had chalk on us! (And no, we weren't TAs—I think we had the chalk for use playing pool where we would chalk up part of our hand to help the cue stick slide but I digress). What I don't recall is if we actually had a checker board on us, or drew one but at any rate, somehow we had a checker board and pieces. We started to play a game of checkers, but to make it more interesting, after each move, we would add a new rule to further complicate the game.
The only one I remember is “Kings [in checkers, which we were playing] now move like Queens [like in Chess, which we weren't playing].” We both laughed ourselves silly over that one, but I guess you had to be there at the time to get the full effect. I also remember winning the game since I was able to contrive a set of rules that forced Bill to forgoe a turn, thus loosing the game.
Anyway, it seems that 1000 blank white cards is a similar game—similar in that “we make up the rules as we go along.” And those can be real fun if you have the right mix of people.
Unlike last time, I was awaken to the sound of someone pounding on the door. Rob had answered it by the time I got out there, and on thought of what happened, I should have just let him answer the door.
“Is Paula Conner around?” asked the postal carrier.
“She is no longer living,” said Rob. Long story short—Mom died a few years ago and I've been rather lax about updating everything that was in her name. Already, this isn't sounding good.
“Oh,” said the postal carrier, looking a bit lost at the news.
“I'm here,” I said, surprising Rob a bit. “I can sign for it.”
“I have a certified letter. If you can sigh here,” the postal carrier said, handing me a pen and a form to sign. “And here.” More signage. “Thank you.”
“This doesn't look good,” I said, opening the certified letter.
“It almost never is,” said Rob.
January 16, 2002
Ms. Paula Conner
RE: XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX CONDOMINIUM ASSOCIATION, XXXX
Dear Ms. Conner:
It has been brought to my attention that there is a dog being kept in your apartment.
This is a violation of the Rules & Regulations of the Documents of XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX.
You will be subject to a $100.00 per day fine (maximum $1,000.00), unless you get rid of the dog upon your receipt of this notification.
Govern yourself accordingly.
Very truly yours,
For the Board of Directors
Cc: Board of Directors
They have got to be kidding!
First off, this is a condo not an apartment (unless they pulled a fast one over on my Mom and we don't even own this volume of space, which, truth be told, given the number of rules and regulations around here, I doubt I can even do anything with it but I'm digressing here). Second, we have a cat, not a dog.
And $100.00 per day?
And of course I get it on a Friday so they'll be out of the office and I won't get a hold of them until Monday so by then I'll owe about $300 to $400 in fines.
So I dig out the RULES AND REGULATIONS OF THE XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX CONDOMINIUM ASSOCIATION, XXXX and check:
- Pets belonging to Unit Owners who have signed a pet permission agreement and which have been approved by the Association will be allowed within the Condominuim Property subject to the following restrictions:
- No animal other than household, domestic animals (dogs, cats, small birds) shall be permitted upon the Condominium Property at any time.
- No animal may be kept, bred or maintained for any commercial purpose.
- No animal weighing in excess of twenty (20) pounds may be brought or kept upon the Condominium Property.
- Each animal brought or kept upon the Condominium Property shall be at all times under the control of the Owner.
- Each Owner shall promptly remove and properly dispose of all waste matter deposited by his animal upon the Condominium Property.
- No animal shall be allowed to constitute a nuisance.
- No pet which dies or is disposed of may be replaced. It is the intent of this rule that there be no pets permitted on the Condominium Property which were not initially approved by the Developer.
“Looks like they got you,” said Rob.
“I don't know about that,” I said.
“I think so,” said Rob. “It's pretty clear to me.”
“But I don't have a dog. We have a cat,” I said. “Perhaps I should call back and say we have no dog here.”
“That will only buy you a few days.”
“Your probably right. I'll call and see if I can straiten this out.” I looked over the rules and regulations a bit more, and found this:
- Before XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX CONDOMINIUM ASSOCIATION, XXXX, may levy any fine as provided in its documents, the party against whom the fine is sought to be levied shall be afforded an opprotunity for hearing after reasonable notice of not less than fourteen (14) days and said notice shall include:
- A statement of the date time and place of the hearing.
- A statement of the provisions of the declaration, association by-laws, or association rules and regulations which have allegedly been violated; and
- A short and plain statement of the matters asserted by the association.
- The party against whom the fine may be levied shall have an opportunity to respond, to present evidence, and to provide written and oral argument on all issues involved and shall have an opportunity at the hearing to review, challenge and respond to any material considered by the association.
They broke their own XXXXXXX rule! I had no notification of this what-so-ever!
I called the representative who sent the letter. The representative wasn't in, but I left a message, stating that I had no dog, but I did have a cat, and that they were in violation of Rule 28 by not sending me notification and what's up with that. Oh, and there's this Mercedes in a guest parking spot that hasn't moved, is covered (which I thought was a no-no) and it has had a flat tire for months. So it has to be towed.
I feel bad about doing that, even given all the grief I've had over vehicles, but I felt that if they were coming down on me, then I'm sure as Hell going to start going down on other flagrant violations of the Rules and Regulations around here.
Oh God! Am I turning into a Condo Commando?
Say it ain't so!
So I head out to get the license plate number of the Mercedes that's been sitting out in the parking lot for weeks now. I figure that if the Condo Commandos are going to make my life a living Hell, then I'm going to make a lot of people's lives a living Hell. If they didn't like Spring's van then I'll get nasty myself.
I start attempting to raise the car cover when a group of people nearby ask what I'm doing. So I tell them. I am then informed that they are responsible for the car and go into length about their situation.
A slight digression. When I was working the night shift, I would occaionally get home to see a nice looking, if seriously old, gentleman laboriously making laps around the parking lot with a walker. I always found that inspiring; here is someone that obviously has trouble walking taking the time and effort to remain active. Heartwarming, you know?
And now here I was, calling in his car! He could barely drive, but he could not change the tire, and the Condo Commandos were after his car as well. He has until the end of this month to get the car in order or else it'll be towed!
I then told the small group why I was out there and they found it incredible! They wanted to know who spied on me and turned me in! A cat of all things!
We also talked a bit about Spring's van, and while a few of them admitted that they felt it was an eyesore, they never called in and complained about it. Heck, they found it amazing that a covered car in a guest spot is apparently illegal.
Bloody Condo Commandos!