Tuesday, January 14, 2020
Notes on an Overheard Conversation About a Bank Account
“Hello, this is XXXXXX of [a bank in California]. How may I help you?”
“Yes, I'm calling about the closing out of an account. I received the affidavit form and I've filled it out except for one line—I don't know how much is in the account.”
“I'm sorry, but I can neither confirm nor deny he has an account with us.”
“What?”
“I can neither confirm nor deny he has an account with us.”
“You sent me the affidavit!”
“Yes, but I can neither confirm nor deny his account with us.”
“I have his account number in front of me!”
“I can neither—oh … um … please hold … <mumble mumble mumble>”
“I'm sorry, I didn't hear that.”
“Sorry, I can't speak any louder than this—what is the account number?”
“XXXXXXXXX”
“Okay, the amount left in the account is $45.71”
“Seriously?”
“Seriously.”
“You're only telling me because it's a rounding error to you guys, right?”
“Shhhhhhhhh!”
“Okay! Anyway, thank you.”
“Anything else I can do for you?”
“Yes, your direct phone number in your email? When I called it, I got a health clinic in Encino.”
“Seriously?”
“Seriously.”
