I use The Corporate Overlord's mandated Windows Laptop only for a few things, like submitting my time card and to check how much PTO I have left for the year. So I turn on The Corporate Overlord's mandated Windows Laptop (hereafter named “Satan”) and immediately, my Internet connection is swamped. It's completely unusable. I check, and yes, Satan is sucking up as much bandwidth as computerly possible for doing Bill knows what. It certainly can't be malware, because it's already filled to the brim with anti-virus, anti-malware, anti-anything programs constantly running in the background that I can't do anything about because Satan is completely managed by the Corporate Overlords.
Okay, I think to myself. While I'm waiting, maybe I can see if this thing has Solitaire on it. I always liked playing Solitaire. And yes, it has Solitaire, only now it has ads, (only $14.95 a year to remove ads).
Really, Microsoft? Good lord.
It's been an hour so far, and Satan is still downloading Bill knows what.
I think come January, I'll ship Satan back to the Corporate Overlords. Bill knows I certainly don't use it.
Update just prior to publication
I turned off Satan, and immediately, the network was usable. Not only that, but I was able to log onto the enterprise application from a non-Windows system, so there is no reason I need Satan here anymore.
I'll definitely look into shipping Satan back to where it belongs.