Thursday, March 26, 2015
The Fire Drill
There was a fire drill today at The Ft. Lauderdale Office of The Corporation. It had been announced ahead of time via email and came with a multipage document, outlining not only the evacuation plans, but who was doing what and where to meet (about half a block away).
So I was expecting something like:
[Main lights cut off. The entire Ft. Lauderdale Office of The Corporation is bathed in dim red emergency light.] AROOOOOOOOOOOGA! AROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGA!
The intercom system blares to life.] “ATTENTION! ATTENTION! THIS IS A FIRE DRILL! PLEASE EVACUATE THE BUILDING!”
“Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!”
“Aaaaaaahhhhhhh!”
“Run! Move, you maggots!”
“ATTENTION! ATTENTION! THE BUILDING'S SELF DESTRUCT SEQUENCE HAS BEEN INITIATED! PLEASE EVACUATE THE BUILDING! THIS BUILDING WILL SELF-DESTRUCT IN THREE MINUTES!”
“South office section clear!”
“North office section clear!”
“What's up with the central office section?”
“Run!”
“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!”
“Status! What's the status of the central office section? Report!”
“ATTENTION! ATTENTION! THE BUILDING WILL SELF-DESTRUCT IN TWO MINUTES!”
“Status!”
“Central office section clear!”
“ATTENTION! ATTENTION! PLEASE EVACUATE THE BUILDING!”
“Keep going!”
“Civilians have cleared the building, sir!”
“Keep going!”
“TEN … NINE … EIGHT … SEVEN …”
“Do we have everyone?”
“I'm counting!”
“Do we have everyone?”
“Yes!”
“TWO … ONE! HAD THIS BEEN AN ACTUAL EMERGENCY, THE BUILDING YOU HAVE JUST EVACUATED WOULD HAVE EXPLODED IN A HUGE FIREBALL AND ANYBODY WITHIN ONE HUNDRED YARDS WOULD BE DEAD! HAVE A NICE DAY!” [Unseen by the civillians, since they're all outside, the lighting resumes to normal inside the building.]
But alas, no. That was not the fire drill we experienced. It was more like:
“Attention. This is a fire drill. Please leave the buliding using the stairwell. That is all.”
“Oh, I guess we leave the office now.”
“Lunch?”
