Several days ago I bemoaned the death of satire, but lest you forget what satire is:
Edie Oats, WI—First-year teacher Susan Potts was placed on unpaid administrative leave pending termination from her position at Forked Tongue Middle School for paying for a lunchtime snack with a Massachusetts state quarter.
“We have a strict zero-tolerance policy regarding firearms, and the Massachusetts quarter has a firearm depicted on it. A teacher, of all people, should know better than to bring such items on campus,” said Superintendent Stew Pid.
Pid was referring to the Ma ssachusetts quarter, released in 2000 as part of the US Mint's extremely popular 50 State Quarters Program. The Massachusetts quarter clearly shows a minuteman carrying a firearm.
“I thought all money was acceptable at school,” said Potts. “I just wanted a rice cake and gave the cafeteria lady some coins, one of which was the quarter in question. It never occurred to me to ‘screen’ my money, and I had no idea the cafeteria ladies were trained to look for people spending this particular quarter.”
Potts referred to a recently-instituted anti-violence program at school, the Cafeteria Workers Against Rotten Teachers Endorsing Rifles, or CWARTER.
“The CWARTER program is an effective anti-violence campaign implemented at all our schools,” according to Superintendent Pid. “We've trained all our cafeteria ladies to be on the lookout for money with weaponry on it.”
After spending the inappropriate quarter, Ms. Potts was placed on unpaid administrative leave. Next Tuesday she will plead her case before the school board, which is expected to terminate her employment immediately.
But the actual story being satirized is just as pathetic. And soon, teachers in Wisconsin will have to follow a policy about what they can and can't publish on their private Facebook page (no, really! Unless you're a member of Facebook, and are explicitely allowed by a fellow user, you can't see their page!).
Welcome to the Nanny State.