Wednesday, June 23, 2004
Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency
“Rule 1 in house-breaking, never answer the phone. Rule 2, bring tools, you looked like an idiot. Rule 3, never forget rule 2.”
“Who is this?”
“Look out the window and see.” Flash of light. “Rule 4, never stand where you can be photographed. Are you listening Richard?”
“How do you know my name?”
“Rule 5, never admit to your name.”
Via Mike Sterling's Progressive Ruin, Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency
Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency is one of the most tightly plotted books I've ever read, starting with what appear to be four independent stories, only to end up being one intricate story (that took me two reads to fully understand what happened when and where).
It's an incredible story.
Ray Frisen did a comic strip adaptation of the story, totally unauthorized,
so best read it before the sharks lawyers take him it
down.
Now that's a low interest rate!
From: “Effie Champion” <Emmettusk@surfinbox.com>
To: sean@conman.org
Subject: $67213
Date: Wed, 23 Jun 2004 21:47:59 +0500Hello,
I sent you an email a few days ago because you now qualify for a new mortgage. You could get a $300,000 for as little as $700 a month! credit is no problem, you can pull cash out or refinance.
Best Regards,
Effie Champion
I've received quite a few of these, all from different people. Now, $300,000 for as little as $700/month?
Where do I sign up?
Let's see … break out the mortgate calculator here … typical length of a mortgate is 30 years, borrowing $300,000 with $700/month payments, works out to -1.13% interest rate.
I know the Federal Interest rate is low, but not that low. And a 15 year mortgage works out to -10.2% interest rate.
Those are some nice rates.
Now, working from the other end … how long does it take to pay back $300,000 (with no interest rate) at $700/month? Three hundred thousand divide by seven hundred … divide by twelve … multiply the remainder by twelve …
Thirty-five years and nine months.
At a measly 1% the mortgage would take 44 years to pay off. 90 years at 2.5%. Anything higher and my mortgage calculator laughs hysterically and accuses me of robbing my kids' inheritence (that is, if I have kids).
Who are these guys kidding? There's no way you could get a mortgate for $300,000 at $700/month. No way!
Sheesh!
![[The future's so bright, I gotta wear shades]](https://www.conman.org/people/spc/about/2023/1023.t.jpg "The future's so bright, I gotta wear shades")