The Boston Diaries

The ongoing saga of a programmer who doesn't live in Boston, nor does he even like Boston, but yet named his weblog/journal “The Boston Diaries.”

Go figure.

Friday, November 29, 2019

The Great Car Caper

We're still working out my Dad's estate and today Bunny and I decided to get the car from his place to Chez Boca. This was complicated because:

  1. his car was never registered in Florida;
  2. it still has a California plate;
  3. said plate has been expired for over two years;
  4. which means the registration has been expired for over two years;
  5. and we still haven't found the title to the car.

Fun times.

We worked out that Bunny would drive us to Dad's place, and I would drive back with the car, with Bunny following closely behind to obscure the expired California tag on the car. Even so, I was expecting the following scenario to play out:

Sean
Hello, Officer!
Officer
Driver's license, registration and proof of insurance, please.
Sean
Certainly. Here's my driver's license. Here's my proof of insurance. The car is not mine, but it did belong to my dad—here's his driver's license. He recently died, here's his death certificate, and my birth certificate to show that I'm his son. Also, I can't locate the registration to this car, which is expired, but I did find the bill of sale …
Officer
Sir, step out of the car.
Sean
Officer?
Officer
Sir, I have to ask you to step out of the car.
Sean
Oh bother …

Instead, it went more like this …

Sean
What the? He has an alarm?
Bunny
Hit the button on the fob! This one!
Sean
Thanks. Oh great! The interior lights don't work.
Bunny
I hope the battery is still good.
Sean
It started!
Bunny
Good!
Sean
But it's out of gas!
Bunny
We should have gone back for the gas can! I can't believe we forgot it! There's a gas station just around the corner.
Sean
Okay. Um … we best hurry, I'm not sure how much gas I have left.
Bunny
Okay.
Sean
Okay Bunny … why are you standing around? Get in the car … in the car … okay good! She's backing up … a bit more … a bit … oh, she's going first, okay. Let me back up and … um … Bunny? Go forward … forward … are you … are you turning around? Why are you turning around? I'm going to go that way … why? Aaaaah! Okay, got around her. I can drive to the gas station.
Sean
Oh, I don't know what side of the car the gas cap is on. Okay, I think that gas pump symbol means its on the passenger side. Let me pull up, stop the car and … no. It's on the other side. What? I've set off the alarm again? Sigh. Let me navigate around …
Sean
Okay, how do I open the fuel filler door? No visible latch. Pushing on the door doesn't open it. Oh, don't tell me there's a switch inside the cabin. Sigh. Okay, where's the latch? Oh, there. And it's not working. Oh, don't tell me the car has to be on for it to work? And it's still not working! Hey! What's with this seat? I'm being crushed by the seat! What the—
Sean
Okay, maybe there's a latch in the trunk to open the fuel filler door … okay, the trunk button on the fob isn't working … let me try the key … let me try the other key … let me try … oh yes, none of the buttons in the cabin will open anything. Okay … maybe I can borrow a crow bar …
Bunny
I didn't know there was a gas station here!
Sean
This is the gas station around the corner, right? And why did you turn around back at the apartment?
Bunny
No, there's one over there! And because that gas station was that direction. Have you filled up already?
Sean
Oh XXXX no. Try opening the fuel filler door.
Bunny
Um … okay is there something in the cabin? Oh, here … is it open?
Sean
Nope.
Bunny
Did you try opening the trunk?
Sean
Couldn't open it.
Bunny
Let me try. Oh, I guess you loosened it for me.
Sean
Oh, that's what I'm looking for—the “fuel filler door release emergency handle!” Good Lord!
Bunny
You good now?
Sean
Yes. Let me fill up and we can get going.
Bunny
Also, your head lights weren't on.
Sean
They were on!
Bunny
No they weren't.
Sean
See … oh, they aren't on.
Bunny
Now they are.
Sean
But those are the high-beams! I can't drive here with the high-beams on!
Bunny
You can't drive without lights! Just keep them on!
Sean
But …
Bunny
Just do it.
Sean
Okay, Nike.
Bunny
I'll follow you home.
Sean
Okay, I have enough fuel, I have the seat under control, now how the XXXX do I get out of here? Man, I can't see through this windshield, let me clean it … oh lovely! No fluid and the wipers are scraping across the windshield. Grrrrrrrrrr.
Sean
Oh Good Lord! The “check engine” light is on, the “parking break” light is on? What? Okay, where's the lever or button for that? Oh there … and it does nothing. Let me call Bunny … Hello?
Bunny
Hello! Where are you?
Sean
I'm on Dixie Highway headed home.
Bunny
I thought I was going to follow you home!
Sean
At this point, I just want this to be over! The dashboard is lit up like a Christmas Tree and I don't think the parking break works, so I don't think I'll be able to park in the driveway.
Bunny
Just park in the driveway. It'll be fine enough.
Sean
Okay.

Other than blinding everbody else on the road, a dirty windshield that I could barely see through, over 211,450 miles on it and a dash board light up like a Christmas Tree, nothing else happened on the way back to Chez Boca. Although the thought of leaving it burning on the side of I-95 has crossed my mind …

Obligatory Picture

[It's the most wonderful time of the year!]

Obligatory Links

Obligatory Miscellaneous

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