It's funny the things that we worry about.
Most of my friends would have anxiety attacks over the threat of losing their job. Me? Not really. Been there, done that, still have the corporate golf shirts. Hey, I even lost my car and I didn't break a sweat.
But here it is, almost two years to the day I wrote this:
I've already lost a car and my job. What's next? My home? I'm not worried at all. Even if I do loose my home, it'll be less stuff I have to worry about. It's not like I'm actually going to loose my home. I'm not. It's just that over the years, I've learned not to worry about things. I have my health. I have my family. I have my friends. All else is icing.
So it's quite ironic to have found myself having a nervous breakdown over the impending move. It was quite bad. Very bad. Break down into uncontrollable sobbing bad. Fortunately, Spring was there to comfort me and help me through this anxiety attack.
I still can't quite pin down why I feel this way. As I wrote to my friend Hoade: “Yes, I've studied Buddhist thought and that I should let go of this place but it's proving harder than I thought and it's not entirely because I'm too sentimental; I'm too sentimental being completely overwhelmed in a situation that is fast turning into what looks like a money sink. So there you go.” The sentimental bit—I've lived here since August of 1988 (except for a period of time between August 1992 and October 1993 when I lived in Boca Raton, then moved back) and the place was once owned by my Mom, and I inherited this place when she died in early 1994. To give something up she worked for so hard for is not an easy thing for me.
The money sink bit has to do with a lot of repairs that have to be made. Individually they all quite small but it's just the number of them that is overwhelming. At least to me. Then there's the time it takes to get this place fixed enough to rent or sell (I'm leaning towards renting), during which time we have to pay for two places.
Spring did assure me that there are always options and that things will work out. Heh. A lesson I forgot somewhere in the past two years.