Friday, March 13, 2015
Don't Panic
For those suffering from paraskevidekatriaphobia, DON'T PANIC! It'll all be over in twenty-four hours.
Um … that is, today will be over, not the world.
I hope.
Saturday, March 14, 2015
Today's Daily Announcement
Those of you suffering from paraskevidekatriaphobia can rest easy now that Friday the 13th is over. Unfortunately, those of you suffering from pastrophobia are advised to stay indoors for the next twenty-four hours, and be especially aware of 9:26:53 local time (AM for sure; PM if you don't use a 24-hour clock).
That is all.
Sunday, March 15, 2015
Best stay in bed
Those of you suffering from pastrophobia can rest easy now that π Day is over. But alas, we aren't safe quite yet, for it is the Ides of March.
Be safe. Climb back into bed. And avoid going to the government buildings.
Monday, March 16, 2015
Twenty percent of sick days are taken on Monday
I have some good news for Those of you who have been traumatized for the past three days—they're over.
The bad news—it's Monday.