Thursday, July 24, 2008
Notes on a conversation between a network administrator and The Monopolistic Phone Company over a non-functioning T1 circuit
“Hello, this is The Monopolistic Phone Company Business Repair Unit. What is the billing or circuit ID in question?”
“Hello. The circuit ID is XXXXXXXXXXXXXX.”
“Okay. Hmm … what state are you located in?”
“Florida. Boca Raton, Florida to be specific.”
“Okay, oh dear! My computer just crashed. It'll be quicker for me to transfer you to another rep than to wait for my computer to reboot.”
“That's okay.”
Ring.
Ring.
“Hello, The Monopolistic Phone Company Business Repair Unit here. What is the billing or circuit ID in question?”
“Hey there. The circuit ID is XXXXXXXXXXXXXX.”
“Is that in Tennessee or Florida?”
“Florida. Boca Raton to be exact.”
“What name is the account in?”
“It would either be XXXX XXXXXXXX which is located at XXXX XX XXXXXXXX, Boca Raton, Florida or XXXXXXX, which is located at XXXX XX XXXXXXXX, Boca Raton, Florida.”
“Hmm … let me put you on hold for a bit.”
“Okay.”
[S/X: Musak, followed by a recorded voice saying the call is very important to us but that all available representatives are busy helping other customers but someone will answer the call as soon as possible, followed by more musak. Repeat twice]
“Welcome to The Monopolistic Phone Company Business Repair Unit. What is the billing or circuit ID in question?”
“Hello. The circuit ID is XXXXXXXXXXXXXX.”
“Thank you … is that XXXXXXXXXXXXXX?”
“Yes it is. XXXXXXXXXXXXXX.”
“What name is the account in?”
“It's either under XXXX XXXXXXXX, located at XXXX XX XXXXXXXX, Boca Raton, Florida or XXXXXXX, which is XXXX XX XXXXXXXX, Boca Raton, Florida.”
“And what seems to be the issue?”
“There's an alarm on the circuit.”
“You received an alarm?”
“Yes, the T1 doesn't have a connection.”
“Thank you. Hmm … please hold … ”
“Okay.”
[S/X: Musak, followed by a recorded voice saying the call is very important to us but that all available representatives are busy helping other customers but someone will answer the call as soon as possible, followed by more musak. Repeat twice]
“Hello, this is The Monopolistic PHone Company Billing Department. What is the billing number for this account?”
“Excuse me?”
“What is the billing number for this account?”
“I'm sorry, all I have is the circuit ID. I don't have access to accounting records.”
“Well, what's the circuit ID then?”
“XXXXXXXXXXXXXX.”
“Hmm … XXXXXXXXXXXXXX?”
“Yes.”
“I can't seem to locate any information about this? Are you a reseller?”
“I believe we are.”
“Who do you send the bill payments to?”
“I'm sorry, I don't have access to that information. I'm just a tech trying to get a T1 back on-line.”
“So it's down?”
“Yes.”
“You have no idea where you send the billing to?”
“Sorry.”
“Well, you know that The Monopolistic Phone Company just purchased The Regional Monopolistic Phone Company so that may be why I can't currently access this.”
“Yes, we originally received the T1 from The Regional Monopolistic Phone Company.”
“So if you can just give me a billing number … ”
“Sorry, I don't have that information. Thank you for your time.”
“You're welcome. Please call us again sometime.”
Click.
Ring.
Ring.
”Hello?”
“Smirk, I have some good news … apparently we no longer have to pay The Monopolistic Phone Company any more money for that T1 … ”
![[The future's so bright, I gotta wear shades]](https://www.conman.org/people/spc/about/2023/1023.t.jpg "The future's so bright, I gotta wear shades")